Real Talk: Getting to the Heart of 1-1 Team Chats

Most leaders get 1-1s wrong.

They turn them into status updates. "What are you working on? Any blockers? Cool, see you next week." That's not a 1-1. That's a standup with extra steps.

The real purpose of a 1-1 is simple: understand how your team member is doing as a human being.

What I actually talk about

I start with life. What happened this week -- not at work, but in general? Are they dealing with something? Are they excited about something? Are they burned out?

I'm not a therapist. But I need to know if someone is going through a rough patch, because it will affect their work. And more importantly, they need to know I care about them beyond their output.

Listen more than you talk

The best 1-1s are the ones where I talk the least. I ask open-ended questions. I share something personal to make the space feel safe. Then I listen.

When someone trusts you enough to be honest about what's bothering them -- that's when you can actually help. Not before.

Look ahead, not just back

After we've caught up on how they're doing, I ask about what's next. What are they focused on? What do they want to learn? Where do they see themselves in six months?

Then I follow up on it next time. Every single time. That follow-up is what separates leaders who care from leaders who go through the motions.

If you don't care about people, don't lead people

This is blunt but true. If understanding your team on a personal level feels like a waste of time, leadership might not be the right path. There are excellent career tracks for technical experts and individual contributors.

Leading people means caring about people. There's no shortcut around that.