Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards: Book Review

I always assumed charisma was something you either had or you didn't. Van Edwards argues it's a skill. She breaks it down into learnable components, backs it with research, and gives you exercises to practice. That reframe alone made this book worth reading.

Her core model: charisma is the balance of warmth and competence. Lean too far into warmth and you seem ineffective. Too much competence without warmth and you come across as cold or intimidating. I recognized myself immediately — I tend to default to competence and underplay warmth, especially in professional settings.

The non-verbal cues section is practical. Posture, hand gestures, eye contact, "fronting" — angling your body toward whoever you're speaking with. Small adjustments. Real impact. I started applying these in meetings and noticed a difference in how engaged people were.

The vocal cues chapter was new territory for me. Pitch, pacing, strategic pauses — these shape how your message lands more than the words themselves. I've been experimenting with deliberate pauses instead of rushing through points. It's remarkable how much weight a pause adds.

Van Edwards also covers digital charisma — video calls, emails, written communication. Practical stuff like camera angles, lighting, and crafting messages that convey warmth. In a world where half my meetings are on Zoom, this section was immediately useful.

The "echoing" technique — mirroring someone's language to build rapport — is simple and effective. I've tried it. It works. People feel heard when you reflect their own words back.

Where the book falls short: some of the microexpression content feels pop-psychology. Reading fleeting facial expressions in real time is harder than the book suggests. And the overall tone is very upbeat and encouraging, which is fine, but occasionally drifts into self-help territory that feels less rigorous.

The exercises are also best suited for extroverts or people in high-interaction roles. As an engineer who spends significant time in deep focus, not every technique applies to my daily work. But for meetings, one-on-ones, and presentations, the tools here are genuinely useful.

Read this if you want to be more intentional about how you communicate. It's not about being fake — it's about being aware of what you're already signaling and choosing to signal something better.